I've been dwelling on relationships alot lately. Not actively dwelling, more passively taking in the joys and pains of loving other people. This reverie started somewhat shallowly with my new found fascination for the Beales (big and little Edie of Grey Gardens fame). I haven't seen the documentary- nor for that matter the Drew Barrymore bio-pic on HBO- but I read Gail Sheehy's original article in New York magazine and subsequent takes on the relationship between big and little Edie and how big Edie's neediness preyed upon an already weak and unstable little Edie. Perhaps neither one was ever destined for any sense of normality but to essentially keep a person emotionally and physically locked up with you for 40 years seems so painful.
Next came a passing glance at an article on parenting.com which polled readers about marital relationships. Surprisingly or not, a plurality of female respondents reported being quite angry with their spouses for not shouldering equal responsibility of child rearing. The level of anger, disappointment, and general unhappiness of many of these women was sad to say the least. Sad directly and sad in a "get over yourself" kind of way.
Finally, my stepmother called the other day to let us know that a dear friend of hers had died of cancer. We knew this friend was very ill with only months to live but the fact that she went rather suddenly was heart-breaking all the same. In telling me about her friend's death, my stepmother tried to explain to me why she would miss her friend so much. There was a tremendous poignancy in listening to her. All of us can identify with her efforts to try to explain the role that friends play in our lives- secret keepers, advise dispensers, shoulders to lean on, faces and hearts to laugh with.
Over all of this, I've been editing a manuscript for someone that delves into these relationships- the joys, disappointments, the shared history, the misunderstandings, and hopefully the redemptions that accompany knowing and loving people. In a way, it all feels like a cause for celebration- of not being alone, of finding those connections which bring us closer not only to each other but to ourselves. But at the same time, it also feels like too much for one heart to capture. Maybe it's better to just dwell on these things in silence.
