Raising good people

Maybe it's just my age or the fact that I find myself with a little more time these days to think now that the girls are able to entertain themselves for at least a few minutes every day, but I've been pondering the notion of raising my kids. We're slowly moving beyond the point in our parenthood where we're simply responding to physical needs (although we still do a lot of that as well) and into the phase that requires some sort of moral framework, for lack of a better term. And of course this is where is gets tricky.

How do you raise a "good" person? And what is a good person anyway? I'd like to teach my girls something beyond learning right from wrong. I'd like to give them a foundation from which they are able to view themselves and the world around them in productive, interconnected ways. I'd like them to have a healthy sense of self- to accept their limitations but not to be limited by them, if that makes sense. I'd like them to be physically active and not have the same fear of food that I developed in my teens. I'd like them to see themselves as attractive but not be cocky or influenced by that. I'd like to see them connected to a community and willing to give back to that community (however defined) as much as they take. In short, I'd like them to be near perfect people. (Imagine emoticon here.) But how do you go about setting up a framework for kids without becoming preachy or demanding? I'm already finding with Isabel that if I don't step into this void quickly and firmly, other people will.

It's funny how quickly kids are influenced. Izzy, until this year, existed in a sort of self-involved bubble. She said please and thank you, shared with her friends most times, and was responsive to commands and questions. All in all, what you might call a generally polite child. But as far as I could tell, she didn't think about things much in any way recognizable as cognitive. That's changed. She now comes home concerned about our diets, telling us sugar is bad for our bodies. She needs to wash her hands incessantly, taking her teachers' remonstrations about germs far more seriously than they could have imagined. More troubling, though, she's come home and called people fat with the clear implication that there is something wrong with someone who weighs more than you do. I am not entirely sure she understands most of this, but it's clear that she listens to what she hears at school, whether from her teachers or friends, and takes much of it to heart.

This, of course, doesn't make Isabel a bad person, but it's not the person I'd like her to be. Making my own bias quite plain, I've come to believe that a lot of parenting these days is dictated by fads (baby Einsteins, cloth diapers, and carrots only for snacks) that takes a lot of the joy out of childhood and, quite frankly, out of parenting. My hope for myself and for my kids is that we can see beyond all the fluff and live lives that are balanced and ultimately happy. Because I simply cannot believe that a life that has no cupcakes at school to celebrate your birthday is happy. (A rule, by the way, being enforced in Montgomery County, MD.)

So where do we go from here? Well, beyond trying to reinforce the importance of a healthy diet (and yes, we eat lots of whole grains, fruits and veggies, drink organic milk all with caving in to our sweet teeth) AND the importance of exercise, this year we're planning to introduce the concept of volunteering. This will be lost on Lottie, but I am hoping it makes an impression on Izzy. First up in our projects is joining up with Project Linus to make blankets for chronically ill children. Second, we're going to volunteer in a river clean-up project on the Anacostia River for Earth Day. I'm hoping that these experiences will help the girls to imagine the world beyond themselves in ways that are safe but meaningful.

Wish me luck.

Oh those resolutions

It's that time of year again- I've found myself lingering in the magazine aisle, pouring over issues of Real Simple, Body & Soul, and Shape to come up with the latest fool proof way to fix all that ails me. My intention this year was to have only manageable resolutions- I would like to learn to sew, run 4 miles regularly (I am more or less a routine 5K'er so it's not that impressive), figure out a way to get the girls to eat more veggies, and volunteer. Banished to the back of the closet were the perpetual goals of weight loss and eating healthier. For better or for worse, resolutions past have lingered with me in some modified way over the years, and I would like to think that our diets and life styles are healthier already as a result. I never did lose those magic ten pounds, but I eat an awful lot of salad and drink a healthy amount of water. As noted above, I've actually begun to enjoy running 5K distances. No more half and half in my coffee and my usual breakfast is low-fat plain yogurt with granola. How sanctimonious, right?

Last night at dinner, though, Ryan, for the first time in our 11 years together, introduced the idea of a joint resolution. He wants to gain weight so he thought we could make a competition out of it- I lose while he gains. Before anyone is shocked and appalled that my husband suggested I lose weight (dangerous topic for most men), I admit here that EVERY January along with the "clean scented" candles, I publicly trot out my resolution to live better/lose weight. And I didn't brief him this year on my decision not to make this a goal. I've also been ragging on him for years to incorporate weight training into his exercise routine. Ryan is one of those magically blessed people who loses weight simply by waking up in the morning. It has made it difficult to be married to him at times. So not to agree to a friendly competition seemed a bit rude to me last night after dinner. Of course, I'm sure this is going to get my goat over the next few weeks since even the idea of actively dieting frankly scares the bejesus out of me. (As weird as it is to admit now, I had some massive self image problems in high school which led me to stop eating more or less my junior year.) Plus, I don't really believe in dieting and have spent the better part of today reading articles about how dieting doesn't work. For those with dieting resolutions, stay away from the Well blog on the NY Times website. For what it's worth, I don't find Oprah's struggle inspirational at all. Does that make me a bad person?

All in all, this makes for a fine way to start a resolution, huh? If by some miracle, I actually do lose the weight (and for now, I've only agreed to five pound increments), I'll certainly share my news. But, in the meantime, I am going to go back to running 4 miles at a pop. And maybe I'll cut out that diet coke and toffees...